"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
