if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
