...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
