the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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