Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
