It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
