I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
