I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
