Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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