I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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