wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
