She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
