Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
