Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
