I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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