So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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