Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
