I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
