Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
