For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
