At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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