I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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