The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
