: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You ruined the universe
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
