Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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