Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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