I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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