google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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