bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
