btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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