arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
