I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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