Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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