I think I won the penis lottery.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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