Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
