Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
