I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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