It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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