Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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