just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
