you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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