marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
