How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
