allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
