Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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