So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
