I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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