She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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