just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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