omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
