I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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