we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
