Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
