You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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